Save the Trees Please

I've grown up being fed a healthy diet of eco-brainwashing, which I am particularly proud of. Yes, I was a Captain Planet Planeteer, and an avid Fern Gully, and Once upon a Forest viewer. Not to mention all those shows that warned me of the dangers of nuclear power, resulting in killer tomatoes, and mutant turtles. I would love to tell you how bohemian I am as a result of this upbringing, and how I make my own clothes from corn husks. Alas I haven’t actually succumb to all the indoctrination as I might have hoped. I am like a politician, what I say and what I do are two separate things. I tell others to protect the environment, by recycling, and turning off lights; but in all honesty I’m an offender too. However after reading Jonathan Safran Foer's book 'Eating Animals', I had a new resolve. No matter how much I needed those few minutes extra in bed or to put on deodorant I could no longer justify my 2 mile drive to work, burning fossil fuels and murdering the trees (Can’t you feel their pain?). I could and I would set out to make the journey by pure man-power alone. Yes. Yesterday I cycled to work.

The illusion of my leisurely journey, where the daylight glowed through the autumn leaves, and the breeze was warming, was possibly what originally enticed me. My radiating countenance a picture of happy greeting as I smiled and waved to the passers-by. Perhaps I would ring my bell and announce in the voice of a 1950's telephone operator, "Good morning!", Whilst simultaneously tipping my hat and exclaiming, "Isn’t it such a wonderful day." (Ok so the hat is a slight embellishment). The whole scenario would pan out in a similar way to the beginning of Disney's Beauty and the Beast. I playing Belle (minus the dress and ponytail, but perhaps with the wicker basket), would have my destination in mind, but have all the time in the world to reach it. There would be time to sing, to dance, to visit the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, and go to the library. All with seemingly no sense of time nor urgency. But who are we fooling now? The butcher, baker, candlestick maker, and the library are all incorporated in the new Tesco superstore opening down the road. As for greeting fellow pedestrians, it becomes pretty difficult when you are whizzing by at high speed. Needless to say it was not the romanticised experience I had hoped it might be. Within around 45 seconds I remembered how much effort it was to ride a bike, (especially one with semi-flat tyres and dodgy gears). I almost gave up then and there, but no Michael, think of the cause here. Those crisp leaves of green, gold, red and purple hues. Their pleasant fragrance, and feel in your hands. Yes Michael, think of money your saving! No not the poor trees or squirrels who live in them. Those crunchy notes with the little numbers in the corner, that you can trade for practically anything. Aside, money is sort of like a giant game of swapsies.”I’ve got an orange one with a beautiful portrait of dear Lizzie, I’ll trade you for that shiny new pen.” (It’s like playground fun for everyone).

I won’t bore you with further details of how chains fall off, or of getting stuck behind people walking on the pavement (There are maniacs on the road, that somehow got a driving license). In all, what was meant to be one of those days that ended with a satisfactory woohoo look at me and how healthy and conscientious I am, in fact became more of a sweaty, parched, grumble. In fact I’ve come to the conclusion that apparently trying to save the world, (and your pockets for that matter), is a bit too much like hard work. Well until next week.